A.R.R.A.N.G.E.D. M.A.R.R.I.A.G.E.


~~In the shoes of the “ugly side of arranged marriage”~~

arranged marriage

He: I love you
She: don’t do this to me.
H: don’t do what?
S: don’t tell me you love me.
H: why?
S: because I am getting married to a complete stranger whom I do not know.
H: but why?
S: because that’s how it’s supposed to be.
H: no, it’s not.
S: I NEVER have a choice.
H: you always have.. You just need to see it. Are you happy?
S: I don’t know.
H: if you don’t know, it means you’re not happy
S: why did you take so long?
H: take so long for what?
S: to confess
H: confess what?
S: I hate YOU!!
H: I NEVER confessed that.. I don’t hate you
S: you know what I mean… You ALWAYS know.. Don’t play with me now… Puhleeasee…
H: aww baby, sorryyy
S: you NEVER called me baby before..
H: I never told you I love you before.
S: this was the confession I was talking about.
H: I know… I ALWAYS know… For once, I just wanted to hear you say that…Β 
S: I have told it countless times before.
H: ?????????
S: yes
H: when?
S: I typed it and deleted.
H: why baby?
S: I thought you would never love me.. I thought I am not enough.. I am inadequate.. Not the prettiest.. Not the sharpest.. No one has ever truly loved me and then you knew how messed I am from inside… No one wants a mess.. So….

H: I think I fell in love with your weirdness… I was in denial.. I didn’t want to believe that there can still be a gift left for me… But baby I had all the signs for you..
S: don’t say baby please.
H: okay
S: why don’t you refute? Why don’t you ask why?
H: why?
S: I hate YOU
H: I know, you don’t.. I never refute you because I LOVE YOU..
S: I will cry now.
H: it’s okay… You’re going to lose one of the BEST person EVER.. You can cry.
S: how can YOU joke now?
H: because I want to be YOUR smile
S: I LOVE YOU too.. I always had.. Even before I knew who you were… But we’re not meant to be together… We will be the untold story in the greatest love tale EVER..
H: hmm
S: come to my marriage.. I want you as my friend…i want to kiss our love the final goodbye before I begin a fresh story.. I don’t want to lie to the one I am supposed to love but perhaps I never will.. Be there for me puhleeasee.. It’s going to rip you apart, but I want this one last gift..
H: okay
S: no questions?
H: nopes
S: why?
H: because I LOVE YOU
S: I can’t do this.
H: me too
S: what can’t you do?
H: the same thing as you
S: but I never told
H: and still I always know
S: I have to let you go… I have a family too.. But
H: no… No but, no if… Your heart will heal.
S: and what about you?
H: i’l be second time unlucky.
S: I am sorry
H: me too.
S: me more…
H: I will be there for your wedding baby.. That day, I will be only a friend… But today one last time, I want to tell you I LOVE you..

I love you like the stars
That burn to brighten the night
I LOVE you like the birds
That always fly high
I love you like words
Love the author who writes
I love you in ways
The eyes sparkle and shine

I love the silly questions
I love the infectious smile
I love the wrong belief
I love the random talks
I have been in love with you
For times longer than I realized
And yet forget all of this
Because this my friend is life
and soon you would be someone’s wife

brighten his dark night
with your silly smile
I will always be the guy
On Whom you can rely
yes, baby THIS is the final goodbye!!!!

S: I hate to cry
Because then I have fat eyes
It is killing me inside
My life will be a lie
There’s nothing I can do
But I LOVE YOU TOO

not this time
But in my next life
You and I will complete
The story that I wished was mine
Goodbye goodbye

Footnote: not all arranged marriages are like this.. I live in a family of 21 members and every single one of them had arranged marriage.They are blissfully in love and happily married. I will do another post on a happy arranged marriage soon but this is one side of the story too.. sometimes, some people are chained to a marriage that will NEVER work.. they marry because that’s what society wants.. how right is that? but, then i think i wrote this post because I just remembered the line from the Fault In Our stars

LIFE IS NOT A WISH GRANTING MACHINE

62 comments on “A.R.R.A.N.G.E.D. M.A.R.R.I.A.G.E.

  1. SachinManan says:

    I think every relation comes with an expiry date… i mean all, no matter how you #tag them, arranged, not arranged etc etc. What say?

    Like

    • ashadeofpen says:

      No, i am sorry but i differ.. Some relations last longer than forever.

      Like

      • SachinManan says:

        I beg to differ, if change is the only constant than this can’t be true.. relations expire because they change… having said that i agree that some people change/adapt/ pretty well & harmony prevails even after basis relation undergoes a change. that’s what is married life, change & adjusting to change without being bothered about change … what say?

        Like

      • ashadeofpen says:

        different people have different perspective.. while there are changes, the essence of a relationship never fades away completely.. if you’re blessed in the forever kind of love, it doesn’t mean there won’t be fights and hassles, but in the end, the love is strong enough to push the expiry date beyond forever.. i’ve known people who are in love even with the ones who don’t roam in the world anymore.. that’s what i mean when i say LONGER THAN FOREVER.. when love is true, you don’t need a physical presence.. sometimes we can stay forever in love with the memory.. that for me is the deepest form of love.. the fairy tale love that you sometime find in reality πŸ™‚ but then everyone has their own take.

        Like

      • SachinManan says:

        πŸ™‚ …

        Like

  2. Line says:

    Now I am probably going to step on someone’s toes, but I am against arranged marriage. I know there are happy arranged marriages, and I know there are different levels of “arranged”, but as a concept I am against it. But what is really arranged ?I mean, had a friend once and she tried to find a guy herself, with her family’s consent, but she did not find anyone, so she asked them for help. She and her parents made a profile for her online, she dated a few guys, fell in love and got married, but that is hardly arranged marriage. What I am talking about is the concept where the girl has no saying, she doesn’t get to date the guy first and hardly sees him before the wedding, then comes the wedding and the wedding night and she is supposed to get physical with this stranger she might not even be attracted to, that is brutal! In my opinion that is almost like a rape, I don’t think many the people who “invented” arranged marriage understand how a girl’s intimate life works. Huff!! This tradition, at least in the way I described it, HAS TO STOP! I am sorry I got little carried away, but I have seen too much. Too many horrible destiniesI am really passionate about this.

    Like

    • ashadeofpen says:

      I see and understand all your words.. to an extent, I believe that all you say has got a right tone to it… some arranged marriages are destined t fail especially when you pick a wring guy or girl.. the society is a sham.. this is one of the curses of the society.. people expect a girl not to meddle with any guy until her parents randomly sort one and then he is meant to be her world.. no questions asked and no answers offered
      I don’t mean to say they don’t work because I have seen too many of them work too well because love happens but YES, if the girl is already in LOVE, it will slice her heart and if she is idealistic, she still will have to marry someone she doesn’t knows and doesnt loves but is supposed to love…

      arranged marriages come wrapped in a package with an extremely big IF and it is high time, people get to eliminate the “OF” or else we’re still stuck in a tunnel that has no opening…

      and no apologies Line for being carried away… it is a sensitive issue and unless you’ve grown here and believed and seen the tradition, it is one of the HARDEST thing to accept and believe.

      Like

      • Line says:

        I think you are so right! I mean, I also know of some shy Indian girls, who prefer their parents to arrange their marriage, so it is not so simple. And yes, for me, born and brought up in Norway, it is close to impossible to understand and accept this. I think, what I really want to say is that I am against force, either directly or indirectly through pressure. The young people should get to decide for themselves, and if they agree to arranged marriage I have absolutely no right to judge. What is right for me is not right for everyone else. But I think it is wrong to force anyone to do anything against their will, no matter what it is. Thank you for your insight! It is very interesting to hear your take on this πŸ™‚

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      • ashadeofpen says:

        you weren’t wrong at all Line.. we all have perspectives and ti is important to respect it.. I believe every culture has both the shortcomings and good points… nothing has been designed to be perfect.. and there will always be some troubles.. but some girls should not be made to suffer like this.. that is plain wrong on so many levels.

        Like

      • Line says:

        Yes I agree, and that is why I feel so strongly about this, when I see girls suffer because of this, I feel their pain in my heart, and think how horrible it would be if it had happened to me. That just makes my cry and feel depressed and yes, also angry, angry because I feel it is so unfair. Specially when I see it happening to girls I am close to. I can hardly think about it it hurts me so much. and personally I have a hard time accepting that it is actually their own family who causes these girls so much pain. And you know, it also happens, in many cases, at least in not so modern families, way way way too early! The girl barely gets to be 20 before she is married off. This deeply disturbs me!

        Like

      • ashadeofpen says:

        yes i totally can hear you and i feel it too.. there were even more cruel customs before..google Sati custom and if you don’t know about it, it is going to shred your heart to pieces.. however, the custom is no longer valid and this gives hope that may be, it is all a matter of time and shedding some belief and embracing the wings of change

        Like

      • Line says:

        Yeah I heard about Sati it is horrifying! I can’t even think about it! I hope there will soon be equal worth for male and female in this country. Let us hope the whole world will soon be a world built on kindness and compassion and love.

        Like

      • ashadeofpen says:

        amen to all your prayers πŸ™‚ You’re wonderful and have a lot of love and kindness inside you.

        Like

      • Line says:

        Same to you lovely Shade! πŸ™‚

        Like

      • ashadeofpen says:

        πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

        Like

  3. Al says:

    This is such a lovely story, and so sad. It is why I have always been against arranged marriages. I have always felt it should be love first, marriage second. I know some people fall in love with their partner in the arranged marriage, but what if there is something that the other person hates about their partner, or like this who fall in love with someone else. I know there are good ones as well.

    You have told this in a great way

    Like

    • ashadeofpen says:

      thank you al and you have hit the jackpot point… arranged marriages have such a big uncertainty hanging around that makes it look heinous.. thankfully these days, people get to date before getting married, however, the time varies.. sometimes it is as less as a single month.. but still there’s some change because back in old times, like when my grand dad married my grand mum, the first time they saw each other’s face was on the day of wedding.. that is seriously uncalled for.

      Like

  4. Line says:

    Shade, you have me little worried here. Please take care of yourself in all this, put yourself first and do not make sacrifices to please others! We ultimately have the responsibility for our own happiness. Don’t settle for something lesser than you deserve. Be aware of your own unconditional worth! This is a decision that will shape your whole life, do not take it lightly. Follow your heart at any cost. For the urges of your heart is God’s voice whispering to you from your soul. And that voice carries more importance than anything else, even the wishes of your family. Take care of your happiness Sweetie. YOU deserve to be happy!!

    Like

    • ashadeofpen says:

      Aww this totally warms my heart.. But frankly like most of the other Indian girls, I am not going to have a say.. My parents love me.. Perhaps more than how much I love them.. No matter how much I want, I will have to settle for what they pick because that’s exactly how it is supposed to be in my family… Sure, I am scared now, but I am holding on to the thread of hope that I will be in love with the person I am supposed to..

      Like

      • Line says:

        As a Norwegian this breaks my heart to hear. But If you don’t want to go against your parents wishes and rebel, then I am going to pray and pray that you will be blessed with a kind, gentle, loving man who will give you the most beautiful life filled with love and joy and happiness. πŸ™‚

        Like

      • ashadeofpen says:

        I totally understand how hard it is to believe in this custom but I have seen it work.. So I am holding on to hope.. Doesn’t makes me question it any less but if I do end up with a good guy, I will have you to thank and all those whose happy prayers made it πŸ™‚ I seriously LOVE YOU

        Like

  5. Karan Sampat says:

    Wonderful post…:) πŸ˜€

    Like

  6. Nikhil says:

    A sweet melancholous story told with such ease and poetry!:)
    Very well penned down gal. πŸ™‚

    Like

  7. Reblogged this on Ace Worldwide Goods & Services and commented:
    #AceMediaNews says `A Conversation from the Heart is the Best Conversation of All because this is Love’ #shadeofpen

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  8. unknown173 says:

    Reblogged this on insideme.

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  9. […] A.R.R.A.N.G.E.D M.A.R.R.I.A.G.E […]

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  10. Sunny says:

    Love is boundless, free but this marriage is like institution. Don’t about others experience but i enjoyed fe initial steps, enjoyed and thought that i am lucky but by the time we started discussing marriage, problems started, all emotional dramas and so i would like to say tht love wd ds flavor got more attention, more care and hav been written much, now live love wd other flavors, love for nature, for motherland, for organization you work, for friends..

    by the way you have written a very good post and reminded me my days… Krishna Bless Us.!

    Like

    • ashadeofpen says:

      thank you for such a detailed thought… i too have mixed emotions about this concept of marriage and at the top of that, you have rightly told that love has different forms and meanings… i concur with almost everything you’ve put in here.

      Like

  11. imperfectous says:

    Lovely Shade, you broke my heart and healed it at the same time…I love the poem hun and I must say love for the most part is a choice…you choose love every day. And I believe we can make the best of our situations; glass as half full and if you have made peace with the arranged marriage, that is a big step. I mean there are people who have the freedom to choose but are still not happy. Life has no guarantees other than the ones you make for yourself…Your happiness is your responsibility and so you can be happy no matter what is going on around you. I believe that as long as you are free to be yourself and your values are respected and there is honesty in the relationship,love will be easy to come by.I mean it grows with time spent with someone…I believe you will be okay…because you are an awesome someone with an awesome heart…
    xxx

    Like

    • ashadeofpen says:

      Thank you a million times over and over again.. I am so thankful for the love and belief you have in me…marriage isn’t arranged yet but yes i will need all the support i can.. This is such a heartfelt comment that i have saved it coz i will read it again when life has more of blues than red πŸ™‚ love you loads ❀

      Like

  12. “REBLOG”
    that’s all I want to do, having read this..!!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Reblogged this on perferviddreams and commented:
    Each word seems to be Tailor-made to suit me..!!

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