Hi Mess||30 Day Letter Series

It is no surprise that I love letters; all types of letters. The fact that I have written more than received is another thing. When I stumbled upon this amazing 30-day letter challenge HERE, I was jumping a bit too high for my own comfort. I might not write all of these, but I am definitely going to try.

The prompt for day 30 is a letter to your reflection in the mirror.

Okay, so it has been a really long time since I continued this series, but hey it’s better late than never!

Dear Me,

Look at you, looking so terrible. You could easily pass for trash and no I am not talking about the external appearances (Though, you’ve never been pretty! What!! This is me talking to myself, so did you even expect I was going to talk that absolutely-bulls**t-stuff that you’re beautiful). You look like trash because you’ve let that happen to you and trust me, you’re the only one to blame.

Today, I want you to know that you’re stronger than the biggest hurt. Chin up because you don’t need to face the music, you need to be the music that plays your own heart. Yes, You’ve been a disappointment. You’ve been the reason for too many tears. You’ve failed to be the perfect friend, the perfect person, the perfect whatever, but know this, You remain God’s creation. HE made YOU and He had a reason. He chose to give you the flaws you had for one of the two reasons. Either you deserved this (YES, Mr Karma, you could stop smiling like a hunk) or He knew, you had it in you to work with your flaws and grow up to be the person not everyone is going to hate.

No, life is not going to be one cakewalk. There’re a lot of speed breakers, blind alleys, crossed turns and you, for one, have always been terrible traveler with absolutely no road sense. So, even if the road was straight, you would still be trapped in the endless curves that actually never existed.

Dear myself, despite all the troubles and the wreck you are and the pendulum of thoughts swinging dark inside you; remember, you made it. YES, YOU DID! Trust me, I thought you never will, but you did so perhaps you do know how to chin up and play the guitar even though you suck with music and you’ve a really bad voice.

I am sorry dearest myself, if I’ve been a little brutal but honesty, dear is a rare thing and if I can’t be honest with yourself/myself, how the hell do I expect people to be honest with me. I must be quick to add here. Don’t EVER expect things from anyone; not even yourself. No, this is not a complain. This is something I’ve thought a lot and understood. When you expect things out of anyone, you are actually trying to make someone into something, but that dear isn’t what love is. When you can give without demanding a thing in return, you leave a trail of happiness. People may not realize it soon, sometimes they may not realize it at all, but it should not bother you because you need to do it for yourself.

And oh yes, your heart is a traitor. It beats inside you, stays with you but never belongs to you… It needs another name, another place to call it home.. The heart is always a traitor but don’t be sorry for that because sometimes, we are who we are for a lot of reasons.

Did I make sense? Not much, you would say and we two shall together smile because you and me, have always been that senseless creatures wearing hearts on their sleeves, hoping against hope that we come with a miracle written on the forgotten face, always forgetting that fairytales had a pretty princess.

However, don’t you worry now. You’re not a pretty princess, but you’re a fighter. You will fight. You will make it through. Life isn’t always so tiring. You have your sunshine days and your horribly high pitched laugh will once again break all that layers after layers of doors that you have put to patch a few things. Life is beautiful, even if you are not and it is okay, if one of the two is beautiful.

Live it up, drink it down, gulp the pain, plaster a smile. Everything is temporary, just like YOU!

From dust we come.

To dust we go.

And okay, I do give a good not-so-pep-but-hello-reality- talk.

We should meet more often.

Go shop and cover the trash.

Shopping still is your favorite therapy. Works better than chocolates because it is calorie-free.

One day, you will reflect upon your life and still smile because good or bad, the moments you lived are S-P-E-C-I-A-L. No one can take that away from you, not even yourself. Let that traitor (heart) live and fake a smile.

Summing up,

*HAVE NO REGRETS BECAUSE YOU DON’T GET TO WRITE YOUR STORY. YOU PLAY THE ROLE GOD HAS PICKED FOR YOU.*

So, what if you ain’t pretty, don’t have the fairytale script, you still have me and sometimes myself to myself is all we need. 

There you go, the trash is getting a little less *trashy* 😛

LOVE,

Shade.

Special Shout out to a few named and unnamed people who may or may not read this.

Karly Sue.. you don’t know how much your emails meant to me. They help us feel that sometimes distances do not matter, hearts do.

Al Forbes: we didn’t speak these days, but somehow I still recall the email you emailed long back when I needed it.

Some unnamed peeps because you don’t always need to name. You’ve heard everything I had to say even when I made no frigging sense. Sometimes, a thank you is so inconsequetial and yet so veracious. You know who you are!

David Ellis: Somehow talking about cats with you is sometimes all I need to do to smile and your humor and that voice clip with the super cool British accent surely adds that big fat icing to the cake. Remember, we both owe a big chocolate treat to each other.

Nibha: For helping me remember I had this wonderful series left but I was talking about another one. Will start that soon too.

Myself: for being patient enough to deal with the mess I am. *Has a super narcisstic moment*

This list could well be another blog post.

Signing off again,

Yours,

Shade.

It will all be OKAY. If it’s not okay, it’s not OVER.

Wooshing Happiness ||30 Day Letter Series

It is no surprise that I love letters; all types of letters. The fact that I have written more than received is another thing. When I stumbled upon this amazing 30 day letter challenge HERE, I was jumping a bit too high for my own comfort. I might not write all of these, but I am definitely going to try.

The prompt for day 7 is a letter to your ex boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush.

Now, this is going to be one great letter to write. This letter is to be addressed to ex boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush.

As I had a separate one done for my endless crushes, I put that out of the equation. I don’t believe in the concept of an ex. I believe that if you love someone once, you can never bring yourself to unlove them. If you could, you never did love them with all your heart. But, heyy I have girlfriends. I love girlfriends. I know that is not precisely the point. But whatever.

There will be imaginary parts in this letter and then there will be real and I am not going to tell you which is what. I just like some ,mystery. Deal with it, please 😛 I love my fanciful imagination and making stories and imagining people and talking to them. Here goes one of those letters I have long awaited.

forever fever

Dear imaginary and real people,

Love is a small word, but it perhaps is the deepest emption of all time. I used to think that love is reserved for the prettiest girls who walk like they own a designer store and their perfect curves and the dangling heels is sure to make more than one man look back and stare.

I have never been one of those and I was happy in my own skin. However, once in a while, God plays the cupid and stirs something inside that tiny heart which otherwise stays dormant and does its work. However, not all stories go as planned. You are living in Calcutta, you dream of London and wham you are attracted to France. You really think that nothing good is going to come out of it at all because these are three separate countries with nothing to do with each other.

However, miracles happen and sometimes miracles are not things but people and situation. Sometimes it feels surreal to even think of how much my life has altered in the last six months or so. (Imagine which part is imagination and which part is reality and nopes, I am not telling)

If I hadn’t met you, I would still be chained to the daily mundane routine I so effortlessly followed. You showed me that there is more to life than deadlines. I never thought I was capable of so much love. I never knew my heart had so much space to keep another person in it. Things changed for me and they did with such fast pace that I was left to ponder if I ever knew myself at all. However, if I am given a chance to relive the last six months and make as many changes as I could, I won’t change one single thing. No, we haven’t had a completely perfect time as there were a lot of times when I thought the doors were shut and I was left alone, on the outside and my heart wailed, hoping to latch on to one ray of togetherness, but you know what, this is what makes the journey complete. I didn’t want the fairytale perfect where everything is so perfect, you’re scared it is not true. I wanted reality, the real love where you get the pain, the insecurities along with the happy times, the odd compliments out of nowhere, the random love you notes, the occasion rift on why I am so hormonal, the silly smiles and the senseless craziness. You gave me all of it; the complete package.

You’ve entertained my silliness, my love for things said thrice, my silly conjectures that perhaps are too dumb to comprehend, my wishes that are mostly whimsical, the random words I too often speak, the endless questions I always ask, the lack of knowledge which I must otherwise have, the endless stories I wish to narrate, my obsession for cats and green eyes and a whole lot more.

I had read somewhere that if you don’t fight once, you can never be sure that it is love. We might not have fought like the cat dog fight because hello, I have such a big heart; but overall the words, “dude, don’t be such a girl” still ring in my ears and I smile more than whine whenever I recall them.

I sometimes wonder if I am truly insane but then you have been putting up with me for so long, so I guess I am not completely abnormal or may be sometimes abnormalities are normal too.

All I really want to tell you is

Regardless of the roads life takes us through,

Regardless of how divergent our paths are,

Regardless of how distinct our stories are.

Regardless of how little we may talk,

Regardless of the number of promises we may not be able to keep,

Regardless of what our future has to show

Regardless of how little our forever may be

Regardless of how secretive my best dream is

Regardless of how insecure my securities are

Regardless of how big my fears mostly are

Regardless of how opposite we are

Regardless of all this and more;

if there is one thing I can truly promise and will keep it is that sometimes we meet people, who leave footprints in forms of friends. Sometimes we meet people who come and go and slowly we forget they were even there.

But, sometimes, we meet people who show us things we didn’t knew, shades of us we were blind to and memories we never knew we could have. You just don’t forget such people because they are not a person, they become your home; A part of your forever heart.

I know I sound bookish and sometimes impractical, but trust me, once in love, I stay so forever. Regardless of what would happen, when I shall retrace the best moments of my life, it will feature a lot of you. Your happiness is mine and one day, may be, just maybe, we shall get to see the smiles, share the times, entwine the hands and look up at the sky to count our blessings and that day, it will rain; it has to. I am sure. If we don’t, it is still alright because sometimes, hearts beat across places because when land fails; sky smiles and makes you mine.

Because this is a love letter, I serve the dessert at the end

I LOVE YOU.

Now, guess which part was real, which is imaginary and where I spoke of my girlfriend and how I love mystery.

With smiles and love and happiness and giggles and a woooosshinng heart,

Yours,

Shruti ❤

 PicsArt_1405995942164

The Stranger Friend ||30 Day Letter Series

It is no surprise that I love letters; all types of letters. The fact that I have written more than received is another thing. When I stumbled upon this amazing 30 day letter challenge HERE, I was jumping a bit too high for my own comfort. I might not write all of these, but I am definitely going to try.

The prompt for day 6 is a letter to your stranger.

So, I am going to jumble up the order of this letter series because frankly, some of the letters appeal to me more than the others I will however, try and write all of them.

The prompt I choose today is for day 6 a stranger. Such is my stranger that we are acquainted and that too pretty good and yet at times I think we’re a total stranger.

lletters to the unknown you

Dear stranger,

You confound me in ways no one else ever could. Do you know why? Because, I am supposed to know you, know you in a way I don’t know others and yet too often I fail. I am puzzled and confused and I don’t know what to do and I feel like shutting my own world and both letting me in and locking myself outside.

I always thought you were never a stranger and I knew you inside out; after all, we have been together since the day I opened my eyes and perhaps we will stay so till the time I breathe my last. So what is it about you that make you a stranger to me? Perhaps, this is one rhetoric question that shall forever be unanswered.

Some days, I look at you and the happiness and the eclectic vibrancy which you have makes me smile. we are entwined together in same synchronization and this allows me to enjoy your happiness. There are days when you are so happy that I can’t help but smile and then there are days when the whole word shuts down. I find t hard to breathe.

I thought you were strong enough to handle all the darkness the world had in itself; why then do you cave in when I need you the most? You forgive people, you make excuses for others when they are wrong; merely because you love them, but then why can’t you forget all of it? Why do you remember that one line which he told randomly and later did confess that it was false, but you just can’t escape that dread in your stomach because you are not sure what is true and what so false?

You know you’re not beautiful; never were and never will be. Why then does it scare you then one day, a pretty girl is going to take it all and snatch the story which was never meant to be? Why do you get scared of friendships because you sense that people are making more out of it? Why have you let so many friendships fail over the year and yet you want that one bond to work when you know the tomorrow is going to shatter you?

Why when you are supposed to answer all of it, you choose to keep quiet and give me a headache that shreds my peace to pieces? Dear stranger, will I ever know the working of your mind and why you feel things when you should not; why you forgive people you should not; why you still remember the liens you should not; why you keep murmuring the same words which you do not believe; why do you even believe that a forgotten will be remembered and why do I have so many whys?

The stranger in question is the shade of me I still don’t know. I am a stranger to myself because sometimes the things I do amaze me.

I have loved people more than I thought I was capable of. I made excuses for the ones I loved when I knew they were wrong in every aspect of all the rule book ever written. I have lied to myself when I knew the truth was needed. I have ended friendships when I knew, I needed it. I have hurt people when I had no intentions of doing it, but I knew I was doing so.

I remember a few lines which someone told and later confessed that it was false but I can’t let them go. I have tried running away from memories and rather collided head forward into them. I am my own mess and some days, I am too scared, if I and my stranger myself become friends, the chaos would burn my own sky.

All I want to tell you stranger is that, you’re a mess, but somehow, I’ve been the same too.  May be, one day, our voyage shall take us to a place where our rhetoric question shall be answered. I might not know all your shades and then there are days when I really do not know who you are, but I promise to love you more. 

Love,

Your Stranger .

Half Truth And Hidden Lies ||30 Day Letter Series

It is no surprise that I love letters; all types of letters. The fact that I have written more than received is another thing. When I stumbled upon this amazing 30 day letter challenge HERE, I was jumping a bit too high for my own comfort. I might not write all of these, but I am definitely going to try.

The prompt for day 3 is a letter to your parents.

Now, I don’t know how much to divulge and how much to hide because unlike others, I am not really that brave to divulge a few details which frankly I have kept hidden for too long. So, there will be fabrications, half truth and hidden lies in here. But, I will try and be as honest as I possibly can be.

Dearest parents,

I have loved you even before I knew the spelling of love. First, I thought I would write two separate letters, addressed to mommie and father but then I guess it’s better to club them together coz there are things I would like to tell the two of you.

Just like parents are not supposed to choose between the two children, children are not supposed to do the same with their parents too. However, I am guilty of always picking my father over my mum. I don’t know how, when and why it happened, but it did. It’s not like I don’t love you mum, but somehow my bond with my father has always been stronger.

I know it has hurt you various times because there have been occasions when all of us were on one side and you had no one to tell why the world felt so wrong. However, this by no means infer that I don’t love you coz I do and I know that deep down, you know it too.

However, this letter isn’t about professing love, it is about all those things which I did when you would think that I should not.

While you both love me, the only thing which I regret is that you perhaps share a larger love for the society which frankly someday kills me a lot. I want both of you to see me and love me for who I am rather than try and make me something which the society is going to love and accept.

Yes, I have a lot of flaws and I never grew up, but so what? Aren’t children supposed to be children? I will grow up when the time really comes, but for now, can’t I be the silly, little girl who has always been close to you? Why do you have to try so hard to make me socially acceptable? These are the days when I truly question what is greater – the love for me or the love for the version which you want to see. Regardless, I know that deep down in your heart, you would do just about anything to keep me safe and that indeed is the highest form of love.

It is not like I do not have regrets because yes, I have broken a bit too many rules; the rules you still don’t know existed and the rules you still do not know I broke, but I did. There are times when my conscience did prick me for doing so, but in the end, I know I did what is right and not wrong. Sure, we may have a little different perception of right and wrong, but then if you ever did love me, which I am sure you do, you would know and accept and forgive me.

The kind of love I share for you is so intense that it scares me to even think of any changes wherein my world is not going to revolve around you. I can’t fathom that moment and I am never going to be strong enough to let you go. I love you more than I ever thought I can love anyone. I know, regardless of the number of times I fall and the innumerable mistakes I make, if there is one thing that will never change; it will be us, our bond and the everlasting love.

I am blessed to have parents who love me like I am a part of them and this is one of the best gift God ever bestowed upon me. For that, I can’t thank you enough God. Stay by me, even when I am wrong because I will always be your little kid who refuses to grow up.

Apologies for the mistake you don’t know I have made.

With love that increases every day,

Shruti.

Dear Daddy

 

More Crushes Than There Are People ||30 Day Letter Series

It is no surprise that I love letters; all types of letters. The fact that I have written more than received is another thing. When I stumbled upon this amazing 30 day letter challenge HERE, I was jumping a bit too high for my own comfort. I might not write all of these, but I am definitely going to try.

The prompt for day 2 is a letter to your crush.

One of my friend told me that you have more crushes than there are people in this world. I thought how was that possible, well if you count cats, it might be feasible. Cats should be counted as crushes, I adore themmmmmm.. Sadly, they can’t read a letter so I would just say meeooow woossh meooow woossh 😛

forever pink

Dear Men of France,

Yes, I am hopeless, yes I am pathetic, yes, and I have more crushes than you can count. This letter is again going to be addressed to more than one set of people. I LOVE LOVE LOVE French people; sadly I hardly know any 😦 I don’t know what it is about me that French people don’t like me. I mean I am funny or at least I think it is so. One of my biggest items in my bucket list is to have a French guy teach me French and then tell me how he finds me to be the awesomest thing ever. Okay, no one is going to find me that awesome, especially a hot French guy, but heyy a girl can dream.

This letter goes out to all hot men of France who never ever care to speak to me once.

I know, I am not the fanciest face you will see, but hey dear men, it won’t hurt to once come to my blog, say something beautiful in French and let me know that you’re from France and possibly have some really handsome picture of yours on your blog so that I can stalk you down and satiate my curiousity and give my eyes the glitter which even my really costly mascara fails.

Dear men, I promise I will be the sincerest stalker you’ve seen because trust me, when I stalk; I mean business. I will like all your piccies, leave fat fat thick comments on them, praise you to a point that your girlfriends will be sure that you have nothing to do with me because frankly I know, a guy can only take things to an extent and I always over do it.

Dear men, I have no intention of making you fall in love with me, but I will love your pictures and your beautiful French language and the Eiffel tower of course to such an extent that you will doubt that I am the biggest patriotic ever born outside France. : P: P

Perhaps, this is the reason none of the hot French guy speak to me. I scare them with these thoughts. But, hey hot men of France… here’s what I want to tell you

Je t’aime

(I sincerely hope the punctuation is right)
 

One of my bestest friend had a French friend. I told him to tell him that I love all things French. He never told, the French guy never showed any interest. End of the love story. 😦 😦

I have a beautiful friend who has French roots. She loves me. I love her. What a beautiful love story. Sadly she is married and about to have a kid. 😛 End of love story again.

So, this is one segment of my crushes. Let’s head to another part now.

Dear hot accent guys,

Yeah, did you really think I would let that go? I’ve a thing for British accent. I mean who doesn’t have. Here, I have no morals. Girls, boys, guys, and women. Absolutely anything will do. Though I’ve written guys, but seriously, even if you are a gal, it will do completely. Please send me a clip of your voice and should I faint and even die with happiness, I will still leave my precious belongings to you and not list you as my cause of death; even though you will be one.

I am known to lose my mind every time I hear a really killer accent. Okay, people tell me I don’t have a mind to lose, but you do get the drag of what I wanted to say. I believe people with a really killer accent should be termed as criminals and asked to serve me… as in they can send me clips of their voice all the time. So, dear such men, if you are listening, please send me your clips and you can also sing and tell me how you have been waiting for me and how funny and awesome I am. Sigh, so many crushes. So less time.

Dear green eyed guys,

This is by far the most lethal of all crushes. If you have green eyes, I swear I can scream I love you and I will be totally shameless about it. Green eyes are my biggest obsession and if you tell me to fall off a cliff, I will. I absolutely, madly, deeply don’t know which adjective would be apt-est but whatever the word is, add “LY” to increase the kind of obsession it has to portray and that may times, I love you. If you’re a serial killer, still love you.

If you have green eyes, please come and meet me. I do not know what will happen next and if either of us will be alive, but please SEE ME. I swear you can have me as a slave. I hate cooking, but if you want, I will cook anything from stories to poems to my hand. Okay, may be food too… whatever you ask me. I can’t paint or draw. But if you ask me, I will paint you a Picasso, REGARDLESS OF WHATEVER IT TAKES, BUT PLEASE COME see me. Some words and lines may be grammatically off, have typos, caps lock problem because merely thinking of green eyes makes me hyperventilate.

A friend of my friend had green eyes. I mean he still has green eyes. I followed him on Twitter. He has protected account. He never approved my follow request. I saw him on Facebook. I never sent him an addie, but I look through his pictures now and then. I’ve one of his piccie saved in my cell phone. He doesn’t knows I exist. End of love story.

I have more crushes… too many flames 😛 😛

Sadly, this is personal blog which is well ugh let’s say I’ve to keep decent.  😛 😛

This was such a wrong idea to write this prompt. I am so non coordinated at the moment.

If you fit any of the above lines, please please please let’s be friends and I swear I am psychic. I bring good luck with my words… you will end up so blessed, you will thank me for coming in your life.

Make an appearance.

 

WOOOSSSHHHH, I love you already 😛 😛

 

In dreams of the never ending crushes that never come true,

Yours,

Shade

 

Letter To Best Friend || 30 Day Letter Series

It is no surprise that I love letters; all types of letters. The fact that I have written more than received is another thing. When I stumbled upon this amazing 30 day letter challenge HERE, I was jumping a bit too high for my own comfort. I might not write all of these, but I am definitely going to try.

The prompt for day 1 is a letter to your best friend.

 

Dear Bestie,

My bestest friend has to be my sister because she is the one who has stuck by me the longest, despite knowing every single detail of the wreck I am. Unlike others who start the letter addressing it to people, I have a tendency of talking to myself when I do this. So, bear with me. Yes, people do have more than one best friends depending upon who we meet later in our lives, but here I am talking of my FIRST God Given BEST FRIEND.

Dearest sister and partner in crime, (I am the only one who has two addressing lines in one letter; perhaps the reason my sister along with a lot of my friends hate my writing 😛 ) 

You know there are times when I roll my eyes because your boss-iness is frankly more than any person can bear. However. those are the days when I truly realize how deeply I love you. The fact that I love you even when you are getting on my nerves is a proof of how helpless I am without you. It is hard to imagine living a life without you, because a girl can only keep that may secrets without sharing it with someone she relates to. You know things, no one in the world will ever know. The kind of inside jokes we share and the type of vulgar phrases we use can make the fattest dictionary the world has ever seen.

 

sister

The elder is me, The younger is she

There are too many things I both love and hate about you. I had once read that until you have the big real fight, you can’t be sure that it is love. By god, how many times we have fought and bickered and came close to giving it up is a thing that can’t be counted. But, we always came back for each other. Yes, I’ve always been the one to say sorry, but then I always had the fatter heart between the two of us. Despite all the flaws you have, if there is one thing that I would not change in you, it is “you” yourself. (Oh God, did I write that?? I must be high n drugs today, not that I do drugs )

 

If one day, i wake up to find you becoming polite and docile, I would cry and cry until I get back the old you because regardless of how bossy you are, I love you the way you are and will always do so. There are too many things that tie us together and will continue to do so. It is you who correct my wrongs and probably even my rights. This letter is so devoid of all the vulgarity and nonsense things we share a great deal but regardless you must have found something in it and should you at any odd chance be reading this, I know you would still be giving your signature eye roll because that’s the way you say I love you to me.

You hate my typos, I love my typos.

You hate my overly zealous spelling, I love themmm

You disconnect the phone abruptly, I hate doing that..

You hate my writing, well, i kinda write because I like it.

You hate my stories, I love them

But you love me and I love you too.

 

We’re more than sisters; we were always destined to be the best friends each one of us will ever get and I don’t need to raise a toast to it because

I know, you know that we both know that we’re gonna be there till the end of times to hear the stupid stories, bitch about the ones we do not like, make fun of things that are not appropriate, invent codes no one can break, talk of things that are absolutely ridiculous and stand by each other’s side and shoo off the crows i don’t want to end up with 🙂 🙂

 

Here’s to some of the randomness not even the smartest detective can’t break

Cruz’s blunder pronunciation

Thank you for flying away the ominous black crow

The journey from bavney to what not.

The epic tones of baddeee D to Everyone’s D

Your affairs and my affairs 😛

The  post 12 o clock iPad bonanaza 😛 😛 

How we agree to disagree

The afternoon “bathu” moments

Need I say more.

Even when I am a fifty pounds fatter, you’re the one who will love me more because then you will get to wear all “our” clothes alone 😛 😛 regardless of the reasoning you have, i love you for loving me and make sure you keep loving me because you won’t get another one like me who writes all your Facebook statuses and the captions for your pictures. Hoye le, I wasn’t supposed to write that 😛 😛 

With love and eye rolls and fat wet kisses,

Yours,

The elder sister you’re so used to bossing around.

Chinky. (That’s my nickname, she rarely uses because he have too many vulgar, shameful nicknames which for the love of all that is holy, I cannot write)

 

P.S. Thank you Count  Santulan for this wonderful letter idea.

P.P.S. I have no idea why you’re called Count 😛 😛