Dear Dad Diary!

Indian wedding is a sea of endless emotions.

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On one side you are ecstatic at marrying the one guy who knows you inside out and can race your heart even in a crowd of endless people. But, at the same time, the pathos of leaving behind a family that made you who you are, the father who held your tiny fingers and shaped your ideology, belief, career, and character; the mother who nurtured you selflessly, stood like a rock when the rest of the world started to disintegrate and of course, the sister who was always your partner in crime, who was privy to all those dirty dark secrets and who nursed your heart when it was first shattered, who took all those endless trips to the mall to pick the perfect dress and who indulged in all your whims – you leave all of this behind only to know that your father will no longer be your morning alarm, your mother will no longer be the breakfast in bed service and your sister will no longer be your tissue box.

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Yes, the adventure of a new life awaits but on my wedding day, the tears didn’t stop, not once, because the emotions were flowing like a river that had more water than what the banks could hold.

The emotions were on a high like the sky which pours as if on a mission to submerge every damn thing.

Leaving them behind, I felt a part of me break as if someone took away me from me.

My husband held my hand, comforted me, gave his strong shoulder to rest the wobbly heart but the tsunami of tears didn’t oblige. It still ached for that strong arms that held me when I had first fallen, it still ached for that sly smile mother gave when she knew I was up to mischief and the twinkling eyes of the baby sister because she knew even before I said what we were up to.

My husband is a patient man, he understood what I wanted and that regardless of the depth of our love, this was the pang of separation that had set forth the stream of endless tears and he did what I needed but didn’t realize – his shoulder and our entwined hands. The sobs started to ebb as the eyelids dropped and off I went in the land of dreams, still courting the childhood I had left behind.
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1.5 years later

One and a half years have passed since my wedding and even today, a day doesn’t pass without me talking to my doting dad, darling mum and of course, the angel sister.

Today is one of those days when the memories have resurfaced much stronger. We have all grown in these years and made adjustments to the new schedule. I have settled at my in-laws’ place but on some nights, I want to cuddle up in bed, next to my sister and giggle without having to worry about waking up to the alarm. I want to sleep in my father’s lap as we reminisce all the old moments that are now gold.

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Daddy dearest, the memories are flowing too strong.

There’s no occasion but the desire to meet him is on the rise. I call him up and then disconnect the call even before it goes through because somehow I know I will break down on the phone and he told me a hundred times that he can battle the toughest challenges but can’t bear the sound of my tears when I am not close enough for him to give me a magical hug.

I know exactly what would lift my spirit and I dig my laptop to find this precious gem.
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This is not just a Selfie.. it is so much more, a million emotions wrapped in a single canvas of brilliance. There are a hundred reasons as to what makes this selfie a cherishable moment.

It was taken less than a month after my marriage as my father had come all the way near my in-laws’ place to surprise me. He told that he had gone too many days without seeing my face and he just wanted to once look at me and hug me and lock the memories one more time. I had smiled and cried and had NOT known what to speak.

We stood there amidst a crowd but for us, it was just the two of us – the dad and daughter duo. My sister stood right beside not wanting to break the moment.

He took me to one of my favorite restaurants and then to much of our surprise, he took out his phone and said, “what do you guys call this – selfie right?”

I and my sister looked at each other puzzled as dad struggled a little and then wham went the click and voila here it was – papa’s first selfie.

I knew he was missing me terribly and there was a part of him that regretted the time we would have to part all over again. I had always been the one to click a selfie and post it on Facebook. He found that nagging but he did both of it and once again the tears flew but I quickly hid them because I knew this moment was more precious and something I would always hold on to.

There are a million books that glorify the love of a mom and daughter but this selfie alone epitomizes the bond between me and my father because he is the one right in the world full of wrongs that can set every curve straight for me.

As I keep on tracing the contours of this picture and courting old memories, the phone buzzes one more time.

‘Papa’ it reads and I know that despite the 1.5 years of marriage, somehow our hearts are still connected enough for him to know what I want even before I tell him.

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As I pick his call, he told me how he was missing me dearly and then I tell him
about what I was doing to remember the good times.

“You know I just read today about the new Mobiistar brand. I was wondering if you would like their new mobile as your birthday gift after all we all know your selfie fetish. It comes with a promising selfie camera as you can capture a wide 120-degree wide angle shot. Your selfie experience will definitely improve manifold as it has a front dual selfie camera. The moment I saw it, I remembered how I struggled to take my first selfie with you and you girls couldn’t help but giggle at me. Now, the next time we meet I am going to take a perfect selfie which will capture all of us together so that you two devil sisters won’t make fun of my camera skills anymore. Now that I know how to place an online order, I can get you Mobiistar on Flipkart easily for your birthday.”

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I laugh, giggle, cry and do what not because isn’t the perfect life a cascade of too many beautiful selfie moments?
Somehow I feel like I am lying on his lap and laughing like a carefree child just the way I did.

Guess what, I will wrap this post here because I am going home because

“Home is where the heart is.”

I love you, Papa.

 

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French Delights.

Whispering words
The eyes tell the story
Amidst too many words
Tied around the silent glances
Hidden amidst the smiles
Lives and breathes a story
All that happens
All that will
Shall together tie
The chapters abound
French delights
Drunk without wine
Promises till end of time
Two chapters blend
A story is made
The book is written
The characters play
The song they shall say
Shall set the heart ablaze
Because
Sometimes
Music is indeed
The song of the soul

Rains.

The falling drops
Are here again
The sky is painted in lilac
The heart draped in red
The shining stars seem
Lost in singing the dreamy lullaby
Inching closer together
Never to drift apart
Two banks of a river
Crisscrossing the stones
The collision is beautiful
The union shall amaze
Even the stars will say
I wish I lived this story too!
Not every plan permits
Not every smile has a reason
Not every poem speaks
Not every line rhymes
Yet, all falls in place
When the tiny fingers entwine
Perfectly they fit
Perfectly they remain
The rain pours again
French delights
Memories infinite
Here to stay
Forever the same
One step more
A lot awaits as
The rain reigns again

FrenchDelights2

21

Beginnings.

Let us go
A little somewhere
Between the stars
Amidst the twinkling dots
Sandwiched between the floating clouds
Draped in memories tonight
Let us not blink
Just stay
Stargazers and wanderers
Dreamers and lunatics
Entwined amidst fingers five
The lashes too begin to smile
Desserts and French delights
A moment frozen in time
Reflected from the sky divine
Places different, sharing the sky
The moon whispers our lullaby
A little somewhere
Between the stars
Underneath the lines
Our story resides
Beautiful beginnings
Begin to rhyme

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Live, Love, Leave.

You know,

Nothing in life

Comes for granted.

One moment

We are here

Amidst love

With your loved ones

Thinking of your lover

Giggling with people

And 

One snap

And everything ends.

Fragile?

Of course.

Unpredictable?

Oh Yeah!

Who has seen tomorrow?

The sun when it sets

Doesn’t knows if it will meet

The morning rays again 

People we hug

Might just become

Little figments of 

Big memories

Because

Sometimes, it gets one moment too many.

Sometimes, the end sneaks right under your nose

You never know which page is the last

If this is it,

Cherish the folded pages

Trace your fingers

On pages you highlighted

The memories your heart seals

Kiss the line

Where you wrote your own story

Feel the emotions

Where you first felt beautiful

In the end,

We never know

When one today

Never brings another tomorrow.

You know,

Nothing in life

Comes for granted.

You know,

Nothing in life

Comes for granted.

You know,

Nothing in life

Comes for granted.

LIVE.

LOVE.

LEAVE.

YOU.

It’s been a while

Since I walked

Along the lanes of poetry

It’s been a while

Since I sat to pen

The feelings inside

But, even though

It’s been a while

The poetry still wears the same name
YOU.

It’s been a while

Since I did a few things

But, this smile still belongs to

YOU.

It’s been a while

Since I wrote YOU

But, the heart was

ALWAYS

Draped in shades of your love

It’s been a while

Since I walked through my garden

But, it is still a wild rose
That blooms
Because

First Springs don’t fade

Like a little infinity

They spread wherever they go

It’s been a while
Since together has been

I and YOU

But,
It will always be

YOU.

change

Half Story.

A half story will someday

Finish

Between pages of the unread diary

Between the unwritten words of a love poem

Between the hidden glances of almost lovers

Between the teary eyes of the false smile

Between the giggling conversation of a new flame

Between two ‘Almosts’ touching ‘Always’

A half story will someday

Finish 

Between I and You 

And become the Us

‘We’ will think of

33 years from now.

A half story will someday

Finish

Between a poem that ends

With a wish.

WISH.

 

Because every Valentine’s day, you must fall in love with Love.

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