Back From The Dead

~~In my own shoes albeit after I wake up from the dead~~

This is the prompt:

“Waking up from the dead and watching how life unfolded without you.. Is your lover remarried? Is your mother over your loss and likewise. #BackFromTheDead“

 

I have always itched to write on this.. You know why? Because, I’ve lived this… Confused? I was too when on various mornings, I woke up and rub my eyes so hard that I am really shocked to find my eyeballs still seated in the sockets.. I often dream of being dead.. I don’t know why.. I am a professional dream interpreter but there are days, I just don’t know why I dream so and what to make of it.. So, I will narrate what I think I will see when I rise back from the dead… some parts of it will be shamelessly lifted from the dreams which I do not know are “Dreams”, “Nightmare”, “Reality” or “Illusion”

 

 ~~A dead walks back again~~

I was always scared of the dark, but today, it is different… darkness is my closest bud because I am not allowed to be here when the day breaks. How, I wish the sun could stay asleep for a day…I thought I would stop being selfish after my death but it seems old habits die hard… I still crave to be chained to Earth even though it’s been three years since my demise… I want to steal that ONE LAST look, one last glance, one last memory, one last kiss and of course THE ONE LAST GOODBYE which I never received…

 

My house

I don’t know if I am assuming it or it really is… but the house seemed to have aged without me… I think it looks a little sad… after all, a lot has changed and too many memories it had lost… I never thought my house as another building… it has a heart, it breathes, it has seen me grow and I believe it had cried when I had left without a goodbye…

 

As I come near, I touch the walls… the walls where I had first rested my hands because I wanted to walk… Today, I swear, the house hugged me back… three years and still in love… yes, you don’t need a live beating heart to feel love; I know the house loves me, cries for me, weeps for me, misses me… If houses could speak, it would sing one of the best eulogies for me… I had long conversations with my house… after all it is the place I stayed the most…

 

Family

My Dad always used to tell me, “You know how much I love you… I want to tell you, I love you more than any Dad has ever loved his child, but that would be a wrong lesson… wouldn’t it be? Love is something that can never be measured, but I want you to know that I love you more than it is possible to love… I will happily trade my life for one extra smile, but you know it is wrong to someone love like that… the deeper spiritual meaning of life is to live, do your deeds, help random people because when we die, we leave everyone behind… no matter how much I love you, I will leave you behind one day and no matter how much it hurts, you will have to live your life on your own.. This is the ultimate truth”

 

My Dad was never wrong except this time… he didn’t really get along with his life… It killed me that he loved me so much… he still sits in the same room where I fell in love with him… he smiles, I couldn’t say he never smiles but even in his smiles there are memories of me..I broke him in ways not even God can repair… there are rules that the world follows and then there are exception… my DAD is an exception… he is still chained to me… he will FOREVER be, I think I came back from the dead just to know that I am still locked in parts of his heart that was forever mine..

My mum, she always looks at my picture.., she never misses it… it is like a ritual… I am like the imprint of God, only I never was, I never am and I never will be. She grieves too but then there are days when she is alright… she is strong, she is capable of dealing with loss and then there are days, her heart rips open and it oozes blood… cries at the loss of the child who she had carried for nine long months in her own womb…

 

My sister

There is nothing that is more conjoined than the hearts of two sisters who spent every second together… when I look at her, even my dead heart gives out a huge moan… it wails.. The pain is so fierce it can kill a dead… when I died; while I escaped to another life, I killed her… gone are the happy smiles, gone is the twinkle in her eyes. She is only alive medically… I see a ghost lurking in her… it kills me so bad… I can’t even stay here… I thought three years would be a long time but NO, there are loves stronger than time… I don’t know if I am happy to see them still love me or is it killing me even though I have already died.

 

I can’t bear to be at the place, but my friends… I want to know what I meant to them… I try and look through and I see happy faces, loud choruses of songs, and a new face in the group… I have been replaced… but I don’t envy them… it is wise to move ahead… I know in another three years, my family may too… I never was in love with anyone so my hurt dead heart is saved the trouble of looking for the dead eyes of a soul mate… I don’t think I can bear the eyes any longer too, but I cry at the sight of seeing what I did to my family…

 I had the pleasure of having friends who helped me through thick and thin.. online, offline and all of them have moved away.. they are happy in their life.. they did cry when I died, but time heals.. the logic worked for them.. I don’t know to be happy or sad.. I think I am still selfish..

Perhaps, the pain of death is less when compared to a dead coming back to life and watching how he/she wrecked, messed and killed so many other lives. I don’t know if I would have felt good, if they had forgotten me… We all CRAVE to be remembered, but remember, life goes on… time and tide waits for none… I truly kneel in front of the God and pray,

Get my family over my loss… give them smiles, erase my presence… keep me in their hearts but only in those lingering moments that are rare..Let them love me but allow them to live. I kiss them and whisper G.O.O.D.B.Y.E. I don’t know if they could hear but I saw tears in the eyes.. I think they felt my presence…

 

With the final wishes from a dead heart, I vanish in thin air… because it hurts more to see the ones you loved, die because you’re dead… it’s a good thing that dead don’t come back… they would have died again