Forever Healthy

As I looked at myself in the mirror for the umpteenth time, tears rolled down my cheeks. I threw away all the clothes and deliberately smeared the perfectly put eyeliner because it’s the third week of exercising and I still didn’t fit in to my favourite clothes. Where were those hours of running on the treadmill disappearing? Still fat as an ugly potato. I curled up on my bed and started sobbing uncontrollably.

My father chose to enter the room just at that time. He asked me what the matter was and when I explained the same, he broke into fits of laughter. I was confused and I asked him why was he laughing at my sadness. He then told me something that shaped the way I see things.

 

“You know, when you were born; you were the chubbiest kid – extraordinarily fat.” (Okay, I am going to add a picture here, so that you all can see that yeah, I was really; forever fat)

scan65

He told that whenever they went shopping for me, my mum always complained, “How do I buy something for her? Today, I will buy the perfect dress and tomorrow, it won’t fit because she is a pound fatter”. He told it like it was his favourite dream.

I asked that weren’t they ashamed of me because of how hugely fat I was. He simply replied, “You were healthy. Fat or thin; it is merely a number; an illusion, but what matters is you were healthy. Healthy kids always bring happy smiles. They make a home beautiful. Running to doctors with little kids on your arms can be the most terrible nightmare for any parent. It sucks the joy out of happy lives.”

My dad told, raising a child can be the toughest job on the planet and you are not even paid to do it. You do it because you have to do it. All parents love their children unconditionally but you know; it does get tiring once in a while. You don’t know if your child loves what you are doing and sometimes they wake up in the middle of the night and whine. You just sit there staring at the blank sky and nothing comes to your mind. On these days, when you have a happy child who is healthy, free from all those endless child diseases that scares the crap out of parents; the pain of raising a child dissolves into thin air and all you feel is a sense of gratefulness that God gifted you something you are going to happily cherish.

He told me, being fat isn’t bad; it is being unhealthy which should be the cause of depression. No book says that fat girls are not pretty. If this dress doesn’t fits, something else eventually will. However, if you are unhealthy, you send the wrong vibes everywhere and this thwarts happiness. Suddenly, my whining didn’t make sense. I knew; it’s probably okay to be fat. I could try and shed the extra pounds, but if they didn’t go, it didn’t make me any less than what I am. I was a healthy child and was the reason my home was full of happy memories. My parents didn’t whine for the extra pounds, because I smiled being happy for who I am. If I could do that as a child; I could do that as an adult too.

I am not defined by my weight. I have been a healthy child and I gave my parents so many happy memories to hold on to. At my heart, I am still the same little child and I vowed not to let it go. I re-applied the perfect eyeliner and happily placed an order for a new dress sized LARGE after all, life is about living large? Fat is the new beautiful.

Health matters, not weight!

Look for health potions here

My Today Is YOU

I was wandering on some wayward tracks

A little forlorn and I had some blues

You came along like the silent storm

And I have always loved the torrential rain

I was mesmerized by the bloom you brought

Too many memories we made along

I wrote a hundred unsent letters

My journal carried your name

Words filled with love blended along

Some teary notes of silent goodbye

Yet, every goodbye was laced with love

Because sometimes, the heart when hurt

Still throbs with endless love

One day, I know you will read

Every single piece of me

Strummed from the insides of that heart

Which has your initials carved

A decade from now or even more

I know not where I will stand

I don’t even know if my memory

Shall ever tease that big heart

Which so often you keep sealed inside

And still, I want you to know

Despite a goodbye; said a fortnight ago

My love flows boundless for you

Forgive me for all those times

I forgot if you were mine

Regardless of what I get in return

This heart seeks to give it all

Maybe, one day, you will know

Why I often felt so low

Maybe, one day, you will feel

The endless myriad of my feelings

But, even if you don’t do so,

I shall not fret or cry

Because,

LOVE like yours,

Come once in a lifetime

It’s complete in its incompleteness

It’s a little less and a lot more

It’s unsaid yet so defined

It’s endless and perhaps infinite

Because

A WILDROSE doesn’t die.

forever fever

In remembrance of the BIG first bloom,

A Happy Poetry in the middle of noon :) :)

It’s raining here where I am.

I hope it rains in all the lovely hearts.

“Tomorrow is never promised

Yesterday didn’t stay.

You’re my TODAY.”

Much lovies,

Shade.

The Silent Warrior

Silent whispers

No one heard

A smile teased

The night grew

The demons woke

The silhouette swirled

Terrified

A quick prayer

Memories flashed

Tears rolled

A combat

Lost

Unaware,

The battle

Was pre-decided

Another martyr

A sacrifice offered

But, no one came

No applauses

No salute

Some stories die

Because

Oblivion exists.

 walk of life

There’s a lot that happens behind a pleading smile. There’s more to the story than what meets the eye. Too many tales, too less time because ultimately, that happens which was always pre-destined.

Will You? || Journal Poetry

Almost everyone I met

Left me stranded

Today, as I look at you;

I am scared

History once again would repeat

People always found it easy to

Let me go

Perhaps, because there was never 

Anything in me that was worthwhile

Enough to make people

STAY

I am so tired of the game

I want to hang the boots and 

Call it quits

Yet, every time I look at you

I want to believe

Exception exists

You won’t be the history

That scares me and 

This scares me a lot

I am so tired of 

Rising and dashing of hopes

That I myself do not know

What scares me

Trust me enough 

To let me trust myself

Before, it gets too late

Because, I’ve been lost so many times

That being lost often feels like home

Be the paradise

I thought I can never have

I am a wreck

Of wrong thoughts

Of false insecurities

Of imagined conversations

Of goodbye notes

Of stored memories

Stand by me

When I force you away

Because for once I want

Someone would fight to STAY

Because, maybe, I have always been the one

Who made people let go.

I am scared.

How I wish,

I don’t scare you away

As I silently cry

My demons grow big

And they paint a picture

Of me

Stranded alone

Amidst a hoard of people

And yet lost in the crowd

Searching for the “you”

That never came.

The hands slip

The memories fade

And this time I scream

PLEASE STAY

You turn back

Only this time, 

I do not know

WILL YOU?

Screenshot_2014-10-01-20-41-29

O! Illogical Love

~~In the shoes of a wilted unconditional love~~

A hundred letters between us

Thousand unspoken words

Growing distances everyday

Moments of heartfelt love

In between

A push followed by a pull

Smiles merged with tears of sorrow

Prayers and wishes mingled

With thoughts of how, why and what

Every night ends in questions

No morning brings the answers

A day passes into week

Weeks have turned into months

Before long, it will be a lifetime

Since we crossed paths

And suddenly, I will look back

To find you gone

What perturbs is that

I do not even know

If a tear will trickle down your cheek

At having lost someone who you once

Thought

Would forever remain with you

I was once the blooming flower

A paradise you craved to have

Today, I am the wilted rose

As you cradle with your thoughts

So preoccupied with new toys

That you forgot the one who 

Gave you the very first

Once called, Dearest Dad

I am now a forgotten name

My child, you’re now so grown

You do not know where I live

You have no clue if I breathe

I cry alone on lonely nights

And have no one to wipe

Still, I silently pray

That when your little kid grows

He sticks by you

Because, sometimes life comes back

To the same point from where you start

Never push away those who love

Before too long, you will find them gone

And the hurt heart will bleed

Harder than you can believe

Regrets could be a terrible thing

Trust me, I LIVE a DEATH every day

To be the wilted flower

In the paradise of my own garden

And still this little heart believes

One day,

You will come back to say

Dad, You’re sorely missed

Even if this be when I’m gone

My coffin will smile and it will rain

Because L.O.V.E. is the most

Illogical emotion ever felt

the cycle

Let’s Talk “Shruti”

Disclaimer: Read at your own risk.Don’t unfollow my blog based on this post. This post will have an insane amount of creepy madness and a lot of vernaculars as well. I will try to be funny. Every time I try to be funny, I end up lame, but hey, I should be offered brownie points for trying. Okay, the disclaimer should have been a little smaller. Now, you already know I was serious about the disclaimer. You can leave but I want you to stay. I am so clingy. Right? One of my girlfriend calls me “desperate clingy” but then she loves me. Try and love this post. Who knows I may sprinkle some good luck on you. Okay, disclaimer officially ends.

Prompt: The Language Of The Future : What will it be like? This is by Project 365. (Probably some rules are there for backlinking.. I don’t know will have to check and edit.. this part was meant for me and not you to read not that I will slang you coz you read it :D)

:D :D :D

*grins the signature evil Shruti grin*

The Language of the future of course has to SHRUTI LIKE :P :P

I’ve this habit of making my own words and at least in the future, that is going to be the official lingo. so, ready for some bingo? :D I know, poor joke, but your fault, I had served the disclaimer already.

*WOOOOOOOSHH*

This would be the official good morning *with lots of love * because Wooossshhh is my favorite happy word. 

Logic?

No logic is the best logic. Those who do not know the magic of this magical word need to speak it out. You can never speak Wooossh without a smile and an extra increase of body size (because of bubbling of happiness inside)

If you did manage to say wooossh with a straight face, you need to see a psychiatrist. I know one and she is so haughty, mean and bitchier than a bitch.. so, you really do not want to see her which means SMILE and say WOOOSSH. Do it NOW. Did i go astray from the topic? I always do.

So, the Shruti language of tomorrow.. Hmm.. what should it be like. Let’s get talking of some new words which will feature.

Vulture: Now, you think vulture means that big bird which scares little girls? NO. Sorry to break your myth but in my dixxie (Dixie means dictionary, btw like piccie means picture, nighties means night, righties means right doggie means dog, kittiiie means cat, but wait cat is meoooww call a  cat meoooww) Vulture is when you are secretly talking of vulgar things in an open forum and you want to tell others that you are having a secret conversation but do not want others to know what the conversation is. It is kind of telling hey something is cooking here but no you are not invited to eat. :D Mean as a bitch I know :P So, vulture replaces vulgar in the Shruti Lingo Bingo. Now, you might be thinking what happens to the English Vulture. Tough cookie to crack.. We will call it the big bird that scares little girl. Simple as a doughnut right?

JLT: I know, you think it is a common internet acronym that says Just Like That, but you can’t have it so simple, can you?

I’ve a habit of telling people not to argue with me because if they do, i will chop their tongues off. I know every one has a single tongue but my mum always doubted I had two and I’ve such a big fat heart that I give other people the privilege of having tongues rather than tongue. So, JLT will actually be a vernacular for Javvan Lenge Tumhari which roughly translates in English to I will cut off your bloody tongue. Obviously, someone has to hold that tongue for me because ewww icky :P

One of my really good friend whom I have often threatened to chop has always had a question as to how will he do some really important things without the tongue. Well, I am sure in the future times, you will be innovative enough to have a lot of substitutes already :D I know, none of you other than him got what I said. That’s my beauty. *secret talks*

*Shruti*: so, its my lingo bingo so how am I supposed to not be there? Okay, *BIG NARCISSIST ALERT*

Shruti would simply mean HOLY GOD HOLY FUNNILY AWESOME.

See, I know i am desperately terrible at being funny and okay, i suck at being awesome too (Really, is it so? I am not sure, I do think i am awesome, but I am trying to be modest). So, the lingo bingo of tomorrow would replace funnily awesome as shruti.

People would tell each other

Wow man, you’re so shruti

I wish i could be as shruti as you

Really, that was shruti

There was a time when i was so shruti, now i can only dream of being so shruti

I know you didn’t laugh. sigh, I am trying, give me the push.

I will seriously chop the tongue of the guy who challenged me to the prompt. I mean it is one thing being funny while talking and it is entirely another level to make a post upon it. I will make sure that the guy ends up telling me thank you 300 times because hello, I am sweating under the strain of this holy molly challenge.

RED: all things good will now be red. You have to compliment your girlfriend, say, “Oh man, you look so RED”

You’re happy, say, “I am so RED”

You just had a child.. say, “We had a RED child”.. Okay, may be not here. But, you do get the drift? Guys, you’re supposed to LOVE RED too because RED in itself is love and heck yes, my currency notes will by that time be RED.

Let us come to abbreviations of the shruti lingo bingo

WHA4E : This will be by God the most common and epic-est of all. Any guesses? Raise your hand, if there are any? Yes, that guy with green eyes and red shirt reading my blog, you got it right (Don’t judge me, I can at least imagine such a guy likes my blog, if not me.. yes, clingy desperate, i get it) 

It stands for 

We Have Abbreviation For Everything :P

WEUFF : Who Even Uses Full Forms?

IKSISA : I Know Shruti Is So Awesome :P

You really don’t want me to write more abbreviations, do you? Sigh, even the green eyed hottie didn’t say yes.

Slangs of my lingo bingo:D

A common man : Misplaced Apostrophe (because each one of us in the times to come would not know where to place an apostrophe)

An extremely intelligent person: You, Spelling Of the 19th Century (because spellings were so immaculate as B4 was before and not B4)

A total killjoy: Too Many Commas (TMC)

Mental: Shruti :D because I love madness

for all the rest, we have @#$5 @$%  $%$^&* @@# GDHF %^() /*-*-8* because Shruti lingo bingo doesn’t believe in too much slanging :P

Here’s a sample in my seriously SHRUTI handwriting because I may not be pretty, but By GOD, my handwriting SO ROCKS THE ROCK :D

DSC_0337

There are a few more words I use exclusively like

Loco Yoyo

25 (Definitely, doesn’t means the number 25)

Howrah Bridge (Definitely, doesn’t means the actual bridge in Calcutta, India)

However, under no account, I will share the meaning of the same because 

Some secrets are meant to be secrets just like some infinities are bigger than other infinities :D

However, despite my awesomeness, some things still stay the same

John Green’s Okay still is the FLIRT CODE

lingo bingo

Love still needs no lingo bingo and is best expressed with RED hearts

lingo bingo

Some people still prefer emoticons over my seriously awesome vocabulary

lingo bingo

And I still sign my blog as 

Much Lovies, 

Shade.

P.S. I swear I could’ve written better but Humor and I have always been at loggerheads.

Karan Sampat, you’re going to pay for this.

Those who made it till here, trust me, you’re going to have the BEST day today just because you made my day by bearing me so far and I am known to deliver good luck.

UPDATE: Learnt the rules

This post is a part of Project 365 program at We Post Daily

Goodbyes and Hellos

I’ve been away from the blog for long and I plan to come back in “my style” in October, but this post is because of a certain someone who just made me realize how much I missed cuddling my blog baby. I haven’t named you coz I don’t know if you would love being named here but I am sure you must be reading it and smiling and see I told you I’m psychic :P and c’mon who doesn’t likes being the HIDDEN HERO :P Thank you Loads.

THE GUYS LIKES TO BE NAMED, GOOD THING TOO (because it makes me feel that I am no as insane as I truly am and people are actually alright telling others that Heyy, I know the fool :P, kidding I am awesome, no well, I don’t know, I think the bracketed part turned out to be longer than it should)

THANK YOU UTKARSH (Capslock intentional :P)

“What are you reading?”

“MY Journal”

“Why MY? You always called it our journal”

“Called, but I don’t call it so now”

“Why? Is there a problem?”

“I don’t know,”

“What’s wrong babe”

“I don’t write about you as much as I did. It gives me an unsettling feeling. I am scared; we are never going back to where we once stood.”

“Why did it sound like a goodbye?”

“I don’t know, but please stay. Stay when I push you away because so far, everyone I pushed away, leaves. Sometimes, when they leave, they take away the reason for my smile. You are more than the reason for my smile to me. You are MY SMILE. I don’t know what I will do if you too leave me away. Regardless of how many goodbye notes I’ve written, there’s something about you that makes me STAY and every night I hope, you think the same.”

“Now, did this sound like a hello?”

“You know, you make me laugh when all I want to do is curl up and cry and ruin my eyes so bad that I turn blind.”

“Aw, why would you do that. Look at us, we are together. I’ve you, you’ve me; what is amiss?”

“I do not know.”

“Is this your new favorite word?”

“Don’t leave me please. I will write you a goodbye note, but remember every goodbye is another hello. Please turn my goodbyes to hello. Every time, I write an end, meet me again; start a new chapter and let us waltz to the same tune, once more.”

“Okay”

“Say promise”

“Promise. Promise. Promise.”

“You do realize that you’ve promised me that your promise to me is a promise you cannot break.”

“YES”

“I love you.”

“I love you too”

“I love goodbyes. Do you know why?”

“Yes, because every time you write one, we end up saying I love you.”

“I love you again.”

“I think, I do so too.”

“Are you angry?”

“Why would I be?”

“I and my mood swings.”

“I will bear because you are my right in the world of….”

And then she woke up to an empty room, a vacant heart and a heart that hurt from too many memories. It was time she should stop writing on goodbyes and hello because sometimes, you just need to turn the damn page.

In another world, someone else woke up unaware that someone, somewhere was thinking of him.

Love, sometimes, is the biggest tragedy in itself but it still makes you smile, even in your nightmares.

Who knows, there may be some chapters still to be written.

P.S. I will probably write a sequel to this because I LOVE HAPPY ENDINGS.

P.P.S. I got muddled with the font coloring.. Pls bear :P

some why's have no replies