The Beautiful, Ugly And Forgotten

~~In the shoes of a girl who is NOT beautiful~~

Disclaimer: If you’re not feeling good, please refrain from reading this. This post is not going to be uplifting or inspiring or at east that is what I feel right now. May be, the footnote will have something else to say.

 

beautiful

 

“It’s alright, if you’re not pretty. Beauty is only skin deep. It’s the heart that counts. Beauty is temporary, it fades. The inner beauty of your heart is what truly stays.”

 

YEAH, some of the best and the most brilliant words, but isn’t it ironical that all the times I’ve heard this line, the people who told these have always been MIRROR SMASHING PRETTY. It’s a privilege to be beautiful and this is why beautiful people can walk away with beautiful phrases like this beauty I just quoted and expect the “forgotten averages” to feel “beautiful” . Seriously, isn’t it like the biggest bleeping oxymoron?

 

 

I am not always so shitty and bitchy, but I never appreciate a beautiful person asking a non beautiful person to feel alright even if they’re not beautiful. Everyone at the bottom of their heart craves beauty. When you find someone looking at you like you’re the best piece of art they’ve ever witnessed, you feel  ALIVE in every sense of the word. However. this type of feeling doesn’t stays forever. Sooner rather than later, you will fall in a groove where the once electrifying look shall appear normal to you.

 

 

However, when an averagely alright girl with a forgotten face contour is made to feel beautiful, she remembers the moment. No, not just the moment, she remembers the date, the event that took place before it, the situation the exact words, the after events, the feeling, how long it lasted and above all, the sincerity.

 

I have only believed in being beautiful on those rare moments when sincerity dripped from the words of the ones who told. Even when I had loved the people with all my heart I seldom believe in being beautiful. I never understood why some girl are prettier than others, why some girls are fatter than others. Heck, not just girls, it goes for boys too, But girls need to live up to the beauty tag.

 

 

I am not ugly, but being beautiful.. heck it was not to be and shall not be. If i were pretty, I would not question those who love me. If I were pretty, I would not stay awake at 2 in the night questioning myself. If I were pretty, I would never wonder if my story is going to meet its end. If I were pretty, I would never look at pretty girls and sigh at the difference. If I were pretty, I would not have to convince myself that fairy tales could also be for forgotten. If I were pretty, I would never be scared of being forgotten.

 

 

Right when I wonder all this, I murmur, may be, even if I was pretty, I would still be wondering all of this because pretty girls do not get it all. Pretty girls live with broken heart too. Pretty girls too ruin their mascaras, pretty girls too stay awake in the night.

 

The thing is we hardly believe ourselves to be pretty. It takes a person to make you feel beautiful. I might not be beautiful, but I will try and make someone else feel so. May be, that’s what being beautiful is all about :)

 

And Then She Fell Out Of Love

She was a fierce lover because she gave in the whole of her. She kept no secrets, she hid nothing, she bared it all, but she had no clue that it was the exact way which would bring her the most hurt

 

For so long, she had believed that love would make the world go round. Little did she know that too much of going round would make her dizzy, the kinda dizzy where she would end up sick and puking all the time.

 fall out f love

She was her own curse. She had sabotaged her own happy story because she finally learnt how to fall out of love. Oh, it hurt, she felt like she was ripping apart her own heart. Every second she died a gruesome death. How many times she had practiced her goodbye speech and yet, it was one smile that made her go weak all over again.

She was a fool in love, but she was not going t hang on forever when she knew she was just another option, a page in his book. Yes, he will always be the big book that she is going to clutch so hard that her fingers will bleed from the pain, but that didn’t mean she was incapable of letting go.

 

She will let go because today, she is learning how to fall OUT of LOVE. It is  not easy. If falling in love is hard, falling out of love will asphyxiate her, but that does not means she won’t do it. what has been easy for her in life? Life was never going to be easy and just like always, she will once again sew back her heart. The patches of blood will ooze from the sewn bandages and the eyes are not going to turn dry, but she will fall out of love.

She knows LOVE is hard, bu she will walk till the very end for as long as it takes. She will find another star in her sky, but nothing will ever be like the one she had once met. Yet, she will fall out of love because love is never a one way walk.

 

Never give someone so much power that he starts defining your happiness. May be, she had lost the battle. She had eight goodbyes so far, but this is the ninth goodbye and now she will fall out of love.

 

Love is supposed to make you happy, not drown you in the sea of darkness. 

“Let us fall out of love, please God, I need you more than ever now. Help me let go and become the skeleton I’ve always despised. I never thought my end would be like this, but then I never knew a thing about it either. Thank you for whatever you had planned for me and thank you for helping me fall out of love”, she prayed.

Just then, she received a call,

“I’ve missed you so bad, love”

And she smiled despite herself. So much for letting go. So much for falling out of love. But, all she told…..

 

‘Coz Black Is The New red

I love RED. Ever since I was born, my mum told me I have craved to wear red, but if there’s one shade I love besides red, it has to be black. You know why? Because black is red’s boyfriend. Have you ever seen how they look together? They make a killer pair.
When I got the prompt that I had to talk about my top 5 black list, I was giggling with glee because hey who doesn’t likes to talk about boyfriends?

 

 
Hot Black dress
We’re all aware of how hot a LBD (Little Black dress) is. So, I can’t really wear one because God gave me puffiness all over and I would be quite the fashion disaster if I wore one. But, does that make stop me for craving to have one? Timeless times I have surfed online and salivated at the sight of the killer black dress. This is definitely on my list. Who knows one day, I may meet Harry Potter and he uses his wand to “whoosh” me and I am thin and I will have that LBD out of the closet.

 

 
Black ring
Don’t even get me started on how I love black cocktail rings. You know the type of confidence I have when I wear my black cocktail ring – you have to see the handsome smirk that sits on my face. I can own any number of black rings and hey they come in a lot of styles.

 

 
Black wedges
So, yes I am materialistic and a girl is known by the shoes she wears. I would have died for black stilettos but Dear god never blessed me with a great balancing sense. I would happily settle for killer black wedges that will make even the hottest of men look at my shoes, if not me. Sigh, a girl could always dream.

 
Black phone
When I am having black dress, black shoes and black ring too why should my phone be any different. Though, Samsung has invaded the market with a lot of white phones, I still love the classy black. Black does have a class of its own. I would love to have a phone draped in sensuous black. Get me any good model, I don’t care, as long as it is shiny black, it will do.

 
Black shades
Yes, I am a traditional in this sense. I love black shades because they have an appeal of their own. Regardless of the season it is, and regardless of the type of dress I have adorned. Nothing completes the look like a killer black shade. If only, I was a little more glamorous I might ring in some serious offers. Okay, i might not have got offers, but hey it’s my blog, I could pretend.

 
This post is a part of #WhatTheBlack activity at BlogAdda.com

The Happy Diaries

I am mostly chirpy but there are days when I don’t feel alright. I need someone or something beside me to make me feel perky again. When I landed upon the prompt as to what are the five things/people /situations I want in my life to rev up the zest I am having, I was surprised at how easily the answers came to me. Looks like I might not be right where I want to be in my life, but I at least know where I belong.

Disclaimer: You have to leave aside your judging glasses because hey I am a teenager and we can have any wishes or demand. Okay, I kissed my teenage days goodbye like some six years back, but as long as the drama fits the script, who is going to pull me down.

Love
Yeah, I am one of those sappy girls who believes that love makes the world go round and round. Now, till some years back, I used to be the one who would look at girls going all moony eyed at the mention of the word, “boyfriend” and snort faces. I mean, come on, not everything resolves around the love of your life. Sadly or happily, people and perspectives change with time and I strongly believe having your love by your side makes a dark night bright.

Chocolate
It was really tough to talk of love before chocolate. I am not really a big foodie, but talk of chocolate and which heart doesn’t melts when I am down and I need inspiration and zest; chocolate will be my “love” after my “love”.

Family
Which teenage girl doesn’t needs a family to protect her from the starless sky? Okay, so I am not a teenager and this is the second time I am mentioning it, but my drama levels can put some of the worst teens to shame. So, I need family. I want them to accept me for who I am and I agree I am not the easiest one to have. I am chubby, not pretty, “ordinarily average”, heck not even tall (“5 feet 7 inches with heels: P) and have a lot of violent mood swings. Yeah, not the easiest kid to have, but I have been told I have a heart of gold… I figured, if I go broke, I could sell my heart and make millions or go on a world cruise. :P (I know, you must really be wondering as to who made that blind observation of my heart being gold)

Poetry
Yeah, quite a shocker in the list so far. I know so far I have come across as a reckless wild child possibly a brat too. However if there is one good quality about me, it has to be poetry. I love poetry and letters. I want someone to write something exclusively for me. I want letters to be written to me because someone was thinking of me. I want someone to write poems expressing how I am a part of the life they dream. I love being written about, write for and written with. I have managed to get all of it but more is the buzzword here.

Shopping
Yes, I am a girl and yes I served a disclaimer that you cannot judge. Which girl can survive without shopping? The best way to perk our mood is to let us loose on a shopping spree. Even if I am suicidal and contemplating quitting my life and someone jumps up the idea that you should go shopping, trust me, I will abandon my plan, shop to my heart’s content and then may be jump off the bridge with my beloved shopping bags with me.

Don’t like me? No problems. There are days when I have problem liking myself too.
Love me? Oh, I love you too but I have people who love me really for the jerk I am. So, the two of you should meet and may be talk about my awesomeness and send me details of that conversation. Hey, that could be the sixth thing which could add to my zest listening people sing happy things about me.

Don’t kill me. Okay, you can curse me in the comment section or even ridicule me. I don’t take offense or maybe I do but I shall pretend otherwise.

 

This post is a part of the #ZestUpYourLife activity in association with TATA Zest and BlogAdda.com

Forever Fever

forever fever

A long time ago,

I thought Forever was a word

That we read in stories

That ended with a smile

I grew up with the notion

That forever meant Endless

Forever lasted forever

Forever was true

Forever was love

But, then I grew

And I saw what it meant

Forever could well be a myth

Forever was subjective

Forever could be a second

Forever sometimes lasted longer than a life

Forever could end in this life

Forever could stretch for three lifetimes

Forever wasn’t just Forever

Forever was a fever

That we didn’t merely live

That we breathed, slept and ate

Forever isn’t a frame of time

Forever is when you have a person

Who defines the time for you

Forever is now

And Now always stays

Forever is the fever

That lasts as long as

The person does in your life

Because there is nothing 

That comes before forever

Nor is there anything

That comes after forever

Because there is no

FOREVER without YOU.

Footnote: Special thanks to Bhavya Kaushik for the title and the piccie :P

Why I Am Not Enough?

haunting dreams

Stand beside, not beyond

I need you more than ever before

I am not crying,

But the tears do not stop

Something’s amiss

I don’t know what

May be, you would know

Or may be, you won’t

But, just be near

And I will be fine

Once again, bring forth the sunshine

I wish to hug my own smile

But,

Sometimes they seem alien to my eyes

Self Worth

Self Value

These seem to be heavy terms

Laced with too many words

If I really was worth

Of all the worth you said I am

Wouldn’t you think of me before

You thought what the world had to speak

May be, I won’t be the ideal one

But, isn’t ideality a subjective thing

Couldn’t I stay who I am

And you would be happy

Oh, You’ve loved me 

I don’t doubt

Coz who doesn’t loves their own child

But, may be, you could love

Me for who I am

Rather than making me

THE THING

That the world would love

Because if I am flawed

Trust me, 

The world wasnever known to be right

Tonight, I will sleep

But, the eyes will dream

The dreams that shall haunt

Because bruised hearts hurt hard

 

 

What Infinite Feels Like?

 

 

 

There’s something about the word infinite that is “infinitely infinite”. Two of my favorite books have a lot to do with this word and they’re The Fault In Our Stars and The Perks Of Being A Wallflower.

 

 infinity

 

I don’t really know what infinite feels like because I’ve felt infinite in flashes and sometimes I feel like living my life in flashes may be more important than living average finite moments all the time.

 

 

 

For me, infinite does not means to feel out of the world, it is the feeling where you know that the rest of the world ceases to exist because the moment when you feel infinite, you know that you’ve just realized what being alive is.

 

 

 

Feeling infinite does not means marrying the love of your life; it is knowing that even when the person you love falls in love with another person, you’re still going to love them equally, if not more because you just can’t bring your heart to do otherwise.

 

 

 

Feeling infinite doesn’t means that nothing will ever bother you again; it means that even when you have a hundred things gong wrong, it is this moment of infinity which will still give you hope, still make you smile, still make you try.

 

 

 

Feeling infinite doesn’t means that things will never get any better because you’ve witnessed the best, it means that regardless of what life throws in front of you, you’re going to be happy for what you’ve managed to get.

 

 

 

Feeling infinite doesn’t means hearing I Love You Too from that one person you will love for the rest of your life, it means knowing that you would be a part of them even when you’re not a part of their life any longer.

 

 

 

Feeling infinite doesn’t means that there will never be another goodbye, it simply means that even when you whisper a goodbye, it shall always be another hello.

 

 

 

Feeling infinite doesn’t means happily ever after, it simply means that some stories last longer than forever ever will.

 

 

 

Feeling infinite doesn’t means you’re never going to cry again, it simply means that even when tears roll down the cheek, you know that one person who will still be the reason for your smile.

 

Feeling infinite doesn’t means that you’re beautiful, it just means that someone sees you for who you are and still loves you for the way you are.

 

 

 

Feeling infinite means you got lucky, you feel alive, you’re happy and these times will end because

 

Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.

infinity